So I Said To This Train Driver

He Said 'i'm Going To Chop Off The Bottom Of One Of Your Trouser Legs And Put It In A Library. I Thought, "that's A Turn-up For The Books".

Well, My Wife And I Were Married In A Toilet - It Was A Marriage Of Convenience!

So I Went To The Chinese Restaurant And This Duck Came Up To Me With A Red Rose And Says "your Eyes Sparkle Like Diamonds". I Said "waiter, I Asked For A-romatic Duck".

Two Fish In A Tank, One Says To The Other - You Drive I'll Man The Guns.

I Went To The Dentist. He Said "say Aaah." I Said "why?" He Said "my Dog's Died."