Life Is Just A Bowl Of Pits.

One Day As I Came Home Early, I Saw A Man Jogging Naked. I Said To The Guy, 'hey, Buddy, Why Are You Doing That?' He Said, 'because You Came Home Early.'

When I Was Born I Was So Ugly The Doctor Slapped My Mother.

Never Tell Your Wife She's Bad In Bed. She'll Go Out And Get A Second Opinion.

Look Out For Number One And Try Not To Step In Number Two.

What A Childhood I Had. My Parents Sent Me To A Child Psychiatrist. The Kid Didn't Help Me At All.