Let No Man's Deathbed Be A Futon.

Earrings Are The Same As Sneezes: Two Is Okay, But Ten In A Row Is Annoying. If You Have Two Then, God Bless You.

I Was Stuck In Traffic And I Looked In The Mirror And In The Car Behind Me There Was A Couple Having A Horrible Argument And Right Below Their Image It Said "objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear". I Just Thought, Man I Hope So Because She Was Pretty Mad.

You Are Ten Times More Likely To Get Hit By A Car When The Driver Is Aiming For You.

My Friend Named His Car. And I Don't Want To Be Judgemental, But... What A Dork.

Specifically In Stand-up, I Love Jokes. I Love Short, Structured Ideas And A Punchline.