Last Year My Birthday Cake Looked Like

I Got My First Break And Became A Singing Waiter At Eighteen Or Nineteen. I Couldn't Make A Living At It. I Quit. Then I Got Married And Sold Aluminum Siding. My Wife Had Problems Physically. It Was Not Good.

People Seldom Live Up To Their Baby Pictures.

One Day As I Came Home Early, I Saw A Man Jogging Naked. I Said To The Guy, 'hey, Buddy, Why Are You Doing That?' He Said, 'because You Came Home Early.'

I'm Tellin' Ya I Get No Respect. When I Was In Switzerland, I Got An Obscene Yodel.

Comedy Is A Camouflage For Depression.