I Drink Too Much, Way Too Much;

I'm Sitting On Top Of The World, And I've Got Hemorrhoids.

My Wife Has Cut Our Lovemaking Down To Once A Month, But I Know Two Guys She's Cut Out Entirely.

I Once Went Out With This Wild Girl. She Made French Toast And Got Her Tongue Caught In The Toaster.

I Live In A Tough Neighborhood. They Got A Children's Zoo. Last Week, Four Kids Escaped.

I Came From A Real Tough Neighborhood. Once A Guy Pulled A Knife On Me. I Knew He Wasn't A Professional, The Knife Had Butter On It.