I Drink Too Much, Way Too Much;

At Christmas Time I Sat On Santa's Lap. His Fly Was Open ! Boy What A Present He Gave Me !

I'm At An Age Where I Think More About Food Than I Do About Sex. Last Week I Put A Mirror Over My Dining Room Table.

I Told My Kids, "someday, You'll Have Kids Of Your Own." One Of Them Said, "so Will You."

It's Great To Have Gray Hair. Ask Anyone Who's Bald.

My Wife And I Keep Fighting About Sex And Money. I Think She Charges Me Too Much.