I Drink Too Much, Way Too Much;

On Halloween, The Parents Sent Their Kids Out Looking Like Me.

After I Got Divorced, I Said To Myself, I Will Never, Ever Get Married Again. It Was In Cement. I Went Through A Really Rough Twenty-five Years, But It Happened Again. I Fell In Love. I Told Her, Baby, I Don't Want A Prenuptial Agreement. This Is It. Everyone Told Me I Was Nuts. Well, My New Wife And I Are Married Six Years And We Get Along Great. You Can Make Anything Work If You're Both Givers.

At Christmas Time We Couldn't Afford Tinsel, So We'd Wait Till Grandpa Sneezed.

They Took A Survey: Why Do Men Get Up In The Middle Of The Night? Ten Percent Get Up To Go To The Bathroom And 90 Percent Get Up To Go Home.

We Sleep In Separate Rooms, We Have Dinner Apart, We Take Separate Vacations - We're Doing Everything We Can To Keep Our Marriage Together.