I Went To A Massage Parlor, It

I Was So Ugly My Mother Used To Feed Me With A Sling Shot.

Women My Age Just Don't Turn Me On. That's Another Problem With Getting Older. I Took Out An Older Woman The Other Night, And I Mean Old. I Told Her, Act Your Age. She Died.

My Wife Has To Be The Worst Cook. I've Got The Only Dog Who Begs For Alka-seltzer.

My Cousin Is Gay, In School While Other Kids Were Dissecting Frog, He Was Opening Flies.

I Tell Ya, I Know The Best Way To Get Girls. I Hang Out At Women's Prisons, And Wait For Parolees.