Last Week I Told My Wife, If

When I Was Born ... The Doctor Came Out To The Waiting Room And Said To My Father ... I'm Very Sorry. We Did Everything We Could ... But He Pulled Through.

In High School, When I Played Football I Got No Respect. I Shared A Locker With A Mop.

It's Nice To Be The Best, But Not When Being The Best Brings Out The Worst In You.

I Tell Ya, My Wife, We Get Along Good Cause We Have Our Own Arrangement. I Mean, One Night A Week I Go Out With The Boys And One Night A Week, She Goes Out With The Boys.

Don't Talk About Yourself So Much...we'll Do That When You Leave.