I'm Not A Republican... But I Am

I've Always Suffered From A Complete Inability To Sense Who's Important.

Christmas Seems To Start Earlier And Earlier Every Year. Like, This Time, It's On December 25th.

Not Everybody Hates Me. Only The People Who've Met Me.

I Never Cheated On My Wife. I Took Seriously Those Vows Of Celibacy.

You Don't Appreciate A Lot Of Stuff In School Until You Get Older. Little Things Like Being Spanked Every Day By A Middle-aged Woman: Stuff You Pay Good Money For In Later Life.