I'm Not Catholic, But I Gave Up

I Don't Know If I Was Put On This Earth For A Purpose Or Not. But I'm Fairly Confident That I'll Be Taken Off Of It For One.

A Friend Of Mine Gave Me A Philip Glass Record. I Listened To It For Five Hours Before I Realized It Had A Scratch On It.

I Told My Wife She Looks Sexy With Black Fingernails. Now She Thinks I Slammed The Car Door On Her Hand On Purpose.

How Many People Here Have Telekenetic Powers? Raise My Hand.

I'm Filthy Stinking Rich - Well, Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad.