I'm Not Catholic, But I Gave Up

When I Went To College, My Parents Threw A Going Away Party For Me, According To The Letter.

You Don't Appreciate A Lot Of Stuff In School Until You Get Older. Little Things Like Being Spanked Every Day By A Middle-aged Woman: Stuff You Pay Good Money For In Later Life.

I Was Sick Of People Making Fun Of My Hair And So I Cut It Off And I've Got Much More Attention Than Ever Before. It Was Like When Mona Lisa Was Stolen From The Louvre In 1906 - Three Times More People Came To See Where It Used To Be.

I Was Walking Down Fifth Avenue Today And I Found A Wallet, And I Was Gonna Keep It, Rather Than Return It, But I Thought: Well, If I Lost A Hundred And Fifty Dollars, How Would I Feel? And I Realized I Would Want To Be Taught A Lesson.

Now There's A Seven-day Waiting Period To Buy A Gun. Who Can Stay Mad That Long?