When I Was A Kid, My Nickname

I'm Not As Good A Swimmer As I Used To Be - Thanks To Evolution.

I Learned About Sex The Hard Way... From Books.

You Don't Appreciate A Lot Of Stuff In School Until You Get Older. Little Things Like Being Spanked Every Day By A Middle-aged Woman: Stuff You Pay Good Money For In Later Life.

I'd Be In The Backyard Minding My Own Business. The Other Kids Would Call Me Names, Like Meatball Head Or Neo-calvinist. I'd Run After Them, But Lucky For Them The Chain Would Snap My Neck Back.

I'm Learning Cuban. It's Like Spanish, But With Fewer Words For Luxury Items.