I've Been Short All My Life. And

Had I Been Brighter, The Ladies Been Gentler, The Scotch Been Weaker, Had The Gods Been Kinder, Had The Dice Been Hotter, This Could Have Been A One-sentence Story: Once Upon A Time I Lived Happily Ever After.

John Frances, Entertainment Chair, Of The Friars Club: Of All The Roasts That I Have Produced For The Friars Club, This Is The One That I Am Most Excited About. Mickey Is One Of The Club's Dearest Friends, And We Wanted To Honor Him In The Way We Know Best.

I'll Never Make Another Hardy Picture . . . I'm Fed Up With These Dopey, Insipid Parts. How Long Can A Guy Play A Jerk Kid? I'm 27 Years Old. I've Been Divorced Once And Separated From My Second Wife. I Have Two Boys Of My Own. I Spent Almost Two Years In The Army. It's Time Judge Hardy Went Out And Bought Me A Double-breasted Suit.

When I Was 19 Years Old, I Was The Number One Star Of The World For Two Years. When I Was 40, Nobody Wanted Me.

Always Get Married In The Morning. That Way If It Doesn't Work Out, You Haven't Wasted The Whole Day.