I've Been On The Whisky Diet -

It's Strange, Isn't It. You Stand In The Middle Of A Library And Go Aaaaagghhhh' And Everyone Just Stares At You. But You Do The Same Thing On An Aeroplane, And Everyone Joins In.

Two Fish In A Tank, One Says To The Other - You Drive I'll Man The Guns.

I Backed Horse Last Week At Ten To One. It Came In At Quarter Past Four.

Went To The Corner Shop - Bought 4 Corners.

So I Went To The Chinese Restaurant And This Duck Came Up To Me With A Red Rose And Says "your Eyes Sparkle Like Diamonds". I Said "waiter, I Asked For A-romatic Duck".