I've Been On The Whisky Diet -

I Went To The Dentist. He Said "say Aaah." I Said "why?" He Said "my Dog's Died."

Doctor, I Can't Pronounce My F's, T's And H's.” “well You Can't Say Fairer Than That Then

So I Said To This Train Driver "i Want To Go To Paris". He Said "eurostar?". I Said "i've Been On Telly But I'm No Dean Martin".

A Jump Lead Walks Into A Bar. The Barman Says "i'll Serve You, But Don't Start Anything."

I Inherited A Painting And A Violin Which Turned Out To Be A Rembrandt And A Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt Made Lousy Violins And Stradivarius Was A Terrible Painter.