I Went To The Dentist. He Said

I've Been On The Whisky Diet - I've Already Lost Three Days!

I Inherited A Painting And A Violin Which Turned Out To Be A Rembrandt And A Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt Made Lousy Violins And Stradivarius Was A Terrible Painter.

I Backed Horse Last Week At Ten To One. It Came In At Quarter Past Four.

Police Arrested Two Kids Yesterday, One Was Drinking Battery Acid, The Other Was Eating Fireworks. They Charged One And Let The Other One Off.

Two Eskimos Sitting In A Kayak Were Chilly; But When They Lit A Fire In The Craft, It Sank, Proving Once And For All That You Can't Have Your Kayak And Heat It Too.