I've Been Drunk Only Once In My

How Is The Human Race Going To Survive Now That The Cost Of Living Has Gone Up Two Dollars A Quart?

I Drink Therefore I Am.

Sex Isn't Necessary. You Don't Die Without It, But You Can Die Having It.

I Like Thieves. Some Of My Best Friends Are Thieves. Why, Just Last Week We Had The President Of The Bank Over For Dinner.

Now Don't Say You Can't Swear Off Drinking; It's Easy. I've Done It A Thousand Times.