It's Okay To Get Stoned, As Long

Apparently My Street Has A Leaf Blower Gang Who Tag Team All Day, So The Sounds Of The Leaf Blower Are Forever Blowing From Dawn To Dusk.

Stop It, Stop Lighting Your Butthol On Fire, And Everybody Listen To Me. If You Light Your Ass On Fire, I Hope You Have Boxers Or A Filter Of Somekind, Because If Your A Bareass Person. Not A Lot Of People Have Done This. Stop It. This Is Why. You Can Cauterize Your Asshole Shut, So When You Fart It Has Nowhere To Go And You Can Have A Fart Attack.

My Dad Told Me If I Was Ever Intimidated By Anyone, Just Picture Them With Their Clothes Off. He Said That's How He Dealt With My Mom.

What Do You Do If You're In The Car And Your Girlfriend Touches Your Crotch Then Asks You To Remind Her To Get Kitchen Scissors?

My Haircutter Figured Out I Whine Less If I'm Under General Anesthesia. I Just Hope When I Awaken They Haven't Given Me A Brazilian Wax.