Its Not That I'm In Love With

Well It's Not That I Hate Them, But Honestly If I Saw Two Homeless People Begging For Money, One White And One Black, And I Only Had One Quarter... Well I'd Probably Keep It Actually.

If I Wasn't An Actor? Hmm, I'd Probably Be A Serial Killer. I'm Just So Damn Likeable, No One Would Ever Suspect Me.

Its Not That I'm In Love With Myself, I'm Just Trying To Pick Up Everyone Else's Slack.

I Remember Once I Went To Go See A Movie, And In Front Of Me In Line There Was A Little Boy Who Looked So Eager To See It, Like It Was Christmas Morning. When He Got To The Ticket Booth It Turned Out There Was Only One Ticket Left; The Manager Was There And Wanted To Give It To Me Instead Since I Was Famous. That's When I Knew I'd Hit It Big.

When I First Moved To L.a., I Thought About Turning Gay. Then I Realized None Of The Guys I Was Interested In Was Good Enough For Me.