My Tears Cure Cancer Too, It's Just

People Still Make New Year's Resolutions? Wow. I Figured Those Were Pointless Once I Perfected Myself By Directing, Writing, And Acting In Garden State. I Guess It Makes Sense, Though. It Gives People A Chance To Hope That They Can Become As Great As Me Someday.

I Don't Think Restaurants Should Refuse To Serve Minority People. They Are Quite Tasty When Prepared Correctly.

That Hugh Laurie Show Is Nothing But Scrubs Fan Fiction.

I'm Not Saying Eating Babies Should Be Legal, But When They're So Delicious, What's The Harm In It? I Don't Know What Tastes Better, Their Innocence Or Their Gooey Rib Butter.

I Was Originally Set To Star In 'the Bourne Identity,' But I Found It Too Difficult To Even Pretend To Forget Who I Was.