It's Hard To Be Happy For Someone

I'm Sure That People Who Have Been Tweeting Funny Things Have Ended Up On Writing Staffs Of A Late Night Show.

I Miss Dating Only For That Final Moment You Kiss Goodnight, Watch Her Get Out Of Your Car And Run Into The Police Station.

I Don't Know If I Could Rebuild An Airplane Engine, But I Know A Little Bit About Rotors And Rivets.

I Always Thought That If I Got No Love At All Early In My Standup Career, Or I Was God Awful, I Thought I'd Get Into Psychology.

Some Girls Look Beautiful With No Makeup On At All. I Call Them Lazy. Now Go Throw Some War Paint On You Bleak Empty Canvas You.