Some People Have Constipation Of The Brain

I'm Watching Some Television Tonight. I'm Watching The Discovery Channel. You Know, This Channel, You Never Ever Plan On Watching This. It Just Happens. You're Flickin' Around, All Of A Sudden - Boom - You're Watching A Mole For An Hour-and-a-half.

It's Hard To Be Happy For Someone When You Know Deep Down They'd Kill You If They Had The Chance.

I Don't Get Any Anxiety. I Don't Because Of Two Reasons. Number One, Just Breaking Through It As A Kid And Finally Getting Past It Was Like Okay, Nothing's Ever Going To Feel That Scary Again As That Deafening Silence Of A Joke Not Working. Any Joke Not Working Is Not As Bad As Not Being Able To Even Try And Get On Stage.

I'm Curious By Individuals That Embrace Half A Story So They Can Justify How Incomplete They Feel About Their Own Self Worth.

You Know You're Lazy When You Run Out Of Toilet Paper And Use The Cardboard Roll To Wipe With.