It's Always Consoling To Know That Today's

I Take New Years With A Grain Of Salt And Three Aspirins.

A Young Man Fills Out An Application For A Job And Does Well Until He Gets To The Last Question, "who Should We Notify In Case Of An Accident?" He Mulls It Over And Then Writes, "anybody In Sight!"

Valentine's Day - A Nice Holiday Because It's The First Day Of The Rest Of Your Wife.

Anytime A Person Goes Into A Delicatessen And Orders A Pastrami On White Bread, Somewhere A Jew Dies.

Valentine's Day Is Like Armistice Day - You Declare A Truce.