Is There A Doctor In The House?

I've Been On So Many Blind Dates, I Should Get A Free Dog.

I Found Out Why Cats Drink Out Of The Toilet. My Mother Told Me It's Because The Water Is Cold In There. And I'm Like: How Did My Mother Know That?

I Go Running When I Have To. When The Ice Cream Truck Is Doing Sixty.

The Only Way To Really Have Safe Sex Is To Abstain. From Drinking.

I Get My Sense Of Humor From My Parents. That's Why They Don't Have One Anymore.