I'm So Fat And I'm So Depressed;

I Was So Flat I Used To Put Xs On My Chest And Write, 'you Are Here.' I Wore Angora Sweaters Just So The Guys Would Have Something To Pet.

I Was Not An Attractive Child.

At My Funeral, I Want Meryl Streep Crying In Five Different Accents.

My Husband Wanted To Be Cremated. I Told Him I'd Scatter His Ashes At Neiman Marcus - That Way, I'd Visit Him Every Day.

I Think I'm In A Business Where You Have To Look Good, And It's Totally Youth-oriented.