I Was So Flat I Used To

I Hate Reality Shows That Are Not Reality.

All Babies Look Like Renée Zellweger Pushed Against A Glass Window.

Learn What Not To Expect. Irish Catholic They Get Sh**** Little Rings. Irish Women Get Crappy Rings. Baptist Get The Worst Because They Get The Rings Under Water. When It Comes Up, It's Garbage. Jewish, Big Rings. Episcopalian Big Rings. Italians-the Best, Because They Get Them Off Of Dead People, And Second Wives Get The Biggest Rings Of All.

I Enjoy Life When Things Are Happening. I Don't Care If It's Good Things Or Bad Things. That Means You're Alive.

On Her Daughter Melissa: The Only Time She Really Cried Is When I Sat Her Down And Told Her That She Was Not Adopted.