At My Funeral, I Want Meryl Streep

I Think We All In Comedi Business, Especially When We Reach A Certain Age, Are Divas Up To A Point. I Love When A Limousine Comes For Me, I Can't Lie About That. I Love When You Go To A Restaurant And They Say, "come This Way, Miss Rivers," And You Get A Good Table. I Love All That, The Perks That Come With The Business.

You're College Graduates Now, So Use Your Education. Remember: It's Not Who You Know, It's Whom.

I Could Be The Greta Garbo Of Comedy, Very Secluded, But Garbo Had A Man Who Was Beyond Rich To Support Her.

Comedy - And I Say This With Humility - Comedy Needs Me.

Last Night I Asked My Husband, 'what's Your Favorite Sexual Position?' And He Said, 'next Door.'