At My Funeral, I Want Meryl Streep

Edgar Had A Heart Attack, And I'm To Blame. We Were Making Love, And I Took The Bag Off My Head.

I've Learned To Have Absolutely No Regrets About Any Jokes I've Ever Done.

What Are People Going To Do? Fire Me? I've Been Fired Before. Not Book Me? I've Been Out Of Work Before. I Don't Care.

I Started My Career In A Town So Small The Local Clinic Was Called Fred's Hospital And Grill.

You're College Graduates Now, So Use Your Education. Remember: It's Not Who You Know, It's Whom.