At My Funeral, I Want Meryl Streep

All Babies Look Like Renée Zellweger Pushed Against A Glass Window.

I Knew I Was An Unwanted Baby When I Saw That My Bath Toys Were A Toaster And A Radio.

I Adore My Apartment In New York. It Was A Ballroom That I Remade, So It's Like A Loft But Done By Louis The Fifteenth.

As A Wedding Gift, Ray J Gave Kim Kardashian His Profits From Their Sex Tape. It's 'something Old' As Well As 'something Blew.'

I Was Not An Attractive Child. When I Didn't Use My Girl Scouts Uniform As A Uniform, I Used It As A Tent.