I Was Not An Attractive Child.

If I Found Yoko Ono Floating In My Pool, I'd Punish My Dog.

I Love Israel For Its Blue And White Flag As It Matches My Legs.

I'm No Cook. When I Want Lemon On Chicken, I Spray It With Pledge.

My Mother Could Make Anybody Feel Guilty - She Used To Get Letters Of Apology From People She Didn't Even Know.

My Husband Wanted To Be Cremated. I Told Him I'd Scatter His Ashes At Neiman Marcus - That Way, I'd Visit Him Every Day.