I'm Attracted To Heartbreakers.

I Guess My Main Influences Are Jesus, Rock N Roll And Ex-wives. In That Order.

If I Get Married Again, I Want A Guy There With A Drum To Do Rimshots During The Vows.

Real Comedy Doesn't Just Make People Laugh And Think, But Makes Them Laugh And Change.

Jesus Is Still Up In Heaven, Thumbing Through His Bible, Going 'where Did I Say Build A Water Slide?'

There's Always 30 Or 40 Christians Standing Around, Saying, "it's A Shame That He Has To Die." And Jesus Is Saying, "well, Maybe I Wouldn't Have To If Somebody Would Get A Ladder And Pair Of Pliers!!"