I'm A Wiseass And A Smartass, And

The Reason I Vote Democrat Is Because I Think It's Better To Pay Billions For Oil To People Who Hate Us, But Not Drill Our Own Because It Might Upset Some Endangered Beetle, Gopher, Or Fish Here In America. We Don't Care About The Beetles, Gophers, Or Fish In Those Other Countries.

There's A Turkey Shortage. Are You Aware Of That Fact? There's Also A Gravy Shortage. It's Up To $4 A Gallon. Governor Chris Christie Wants To Build A Gravy Pipeline.

Mayor De Blasio Wants To Eliminate Garbage. He Believes New York City Produces Way Too Much Garbage. Well, Heck, Forget About Producing Too Much Garbage. What About Late-night Talk Shows?

Critics Of The Wall Street Protesters Claim That They Have Old Ideas, Nothing New, And They're Never Going To Work. Wait A Minute., That Sounds Like This Show.

Do You Remember The Good Ol' Days When Congress Was Only Unsafe If You Were An Intern.