I'm A Jerk, That's Who I Am.

Hitler Really Ruined That Mustache For Everybody. It’s Really An Interesting Mustache, But Now, No One Can Wear It.

Actually I Walk Around With The Emmy Wherever I Go, But I'm Very Casual About It.

If I Wasn't A Golfer, I Would Still Be Miserable - But Not As Miserable.

Most Practical Jokes, I'll Feel Too Bad For The Other Person So I'll Stop Just Before The Punchline.

The Addition Of Nuts In Salad... I Always Find To Be Beneficial.