I'm A Jerk, That's Who I Am.

If I Wasn't A Golfer, I Would Still Be Miserable - But Not As Miserable.

I Think We're All Good And Bad, But Good's Not Funny. Bad Is Funny. Suppress The Good And Let The Bad Out, And Then You Can Be Funny.

Most Practical Jokes, I'll Feel Too Bad For The Other Person So I'll Stop Just Before The Punchline.

Women Love A Self-confident Bald Man.

Even Though The National Guard And Army Reserve See Combat Today, It Rankles Me That People Assume It Was Some Kind Of Waltz In The Park Back Then.