I'm A Great Lover, I'll Bet.

Isn't This A Wonderful Country? I Was In Florida. I'm Staying At A Motel Called The Three Palms. It's Run By A Middle-aged Couple, One Of Whom Is Missing A Hand. Ok! That's What I Thought, Too! But They Got Upset When I Asked.

I've Always Suffered From A Complete Inability To Sense Who's Important.

I Was Walking Home One Night And A Guy Hammering On A Roof Called Me A Paranoid Little Weirdo. In Morse Code.

I Started Doing Stand-up At The Age Of 20. This Was Back In 1976, Around The Time (coincidence?) That The First Comedy Clubs Were Starting. The Young Comedians Of Today Gasp When I Tell Them How Many Shows I Did That First Year: 500. Five Nights A Week.

You Should Get Married. When I Was Younger, I Was Into The Fame And Fortune, And Now I Realize That A Loving Wife And Happy Children - That's Life's Greatest Consolation Prize.