Ambiguity Is The Devil's Volleyball.

I Don't Know If I Have Sexual Magnetism Or Animal Magnetism, Though Sometimes I'll Find A Squirrel Stuck To My Forehead.

My Dad Always Said, If Someone Hands You A Lemon, Make Lemonade. Plus That Also Works Wonderfully As A Metaphor.

The Only Work I Ever Turned Down Was A Cable Programme Called Diving For Excrement.

The Question Is Absurd: When You Ask, 'if God Is Both All Good And All Powerful, Why Then Does He Allow Suffering?', What You Are Really Asking Is, 'if God Is Both All Good And All Powerful, Why Then Can He Not Make Me (the Questioner) - Who Is Just As Much A Part Of A Universe In Which There Is Suffering As Is Any Other Part - Be At The Same Time The Exact Same Questioner, But One Who Is Now Part And Parcel Of A Universe In Which There Is No Suffering?' Which, Reduced Down, Is The Same Thing As Asking, 'why Can There Not Be, At The Same Time, X And The Preclusion Of X?'

I Got In A Fight One Time With A Really Big Guy, And He Said, "i'm Going To Mop The Floor With Your Face." I Said, "you'll Be Sorry." He Said, "oh, Yeah? Why?" I Said, "well, How Are You Going To Get Into The Corners?"