Ambiguity Is The Devil's Volleyball.

If An Asteroid Is Coming Toward You, You Don't Have To Blow It Up. You Just Have To Slow It Down Long Enough For Our Country To Rotate Out Of The Way.

Probably The Worst Time In A Person's Life Is When They Have To Kill A Family Member Because They Are The Devil. But Otherwise It's Been A Pretty Good Day.

Recently, I've Ventured Into The Mammal Family - So That's Good For My Sex Life.

Christmas Seems To Start Earlier And Earlier Every Year. Like, This Time, It's On December 25th.

I'm Totally Normal In Every Respect, But I Have This One Quirk - I Can't Give Out A Number Without Laughing. It's A Problem When I'm Giving My Credit Card Number Over The Phone Because They Always Think: 'he Must Have Just Stolen It.'