Ambiguity Is The Devil's Volleyball.

When I Was A Kid I Used To Pray Every Night For A New Bicycle. Then I Realised That The Lord Doesn't Work That Way So I Stole One And Asked Him To Forgive Me.

You Know What I Hate? Indian Givers... No, I Take That Back.

I Lent A Friend Of Mine $10,000 For Plastic Surgery And Now I Don't Know What He Looks Like.

How Many People Here Have Telekenetic Powers? Raise My Hand.

I Was Walking Down Fifth Avenue Today And I Found A Wallet, And I Was Gonna Keep It, Rather Than Return It, But I Thought: Well, If I Lost A Hundred And Fifty Dollars, How Would I Feel? And I Realized I Would Want To Be Taught A Lesson.