I'm A Comedian, Which Is The Opposite

Have You Seen The Bologna That Has The Olives In It? Who's That For? 'i Like My Bologna Like A Martini. With An Olive.' 'i'll Have The Bologna Sandwich - Dirty.'

You Think When Gym Teachers Were Younger, They're Thinking, "you Know, I Want To Teach...but I Don't Want To Read. How About Kickball For 40 Years?"

Stand-up Used To Be Much More Of A Form Combat. Heckling Was Much More Common [in The '90s]. And I Couldn't Get Stage Time, And So I Would Go Out To Pip's In Sheepshead Bay.

That's My Private Business. Besides, The Perception Is That People That Believe In God Are Stupid.

I Think Growing Up In Indiana Prepares Anyone For A Life In Comedy. I Do Feel Like There Is A Certain Kind Of Self-effacing Cynicism Among All Hoosiers.