I Think I Have A Lot Of

Now Don't Get Me Wrong, I Love Animals, But I Like Eatin' 'em More... Fun To Pet, Better To Chew.

I've Had Plenty Of Friends Tell Me That Their First Time Doing Stand-up, They Do Well, And Then They Tank For A While After That. Kind Of Like The First Time You Do A Drug, You're Like, "huh! This Is Pretty Darn Good," And Then You Spend All Your Money Trying To Get The Same High.

I Didn't Realize How Much Of A Hoosier Or A Midwesterner I Was Until I Moved To New York. It's Weird - Growing Up In Indiana, I Wanted To Get Out, And Now I Completely Romanticize Indiana. It Just Seems Like There's A Greater Focus On Family Back There, Which I Suppose Is Something That Kind Of Stayed With Me.

Babies Should Be Classified As An Antidepressant. It's Pretty Hard To Be In A Bad Mood Around A 5-month-old Baby.

Whatever A Writer Gets Paid For His Book, It's Never Enough. I Think That's True. It's Hard Work. But In The End, You Wrote A Book. It's Something Real And Tangible That Sits On A Shelf Forever.