List of Bill Maher Quotes

I Was Brought Up Catholic And We Show My Mom, My Mother, My Sister And Then I Take Pains To Explain On Camera, That There Were Years After That Where I Wasn't Really Religious. I Certainly Wasn't A Catholic Anymore, But I Still Lived With Some Mythical Man In My Head. I Didn't Really Put A Name To A Face, But I Just Knew That If I Was In Trouble Or Scared I Would Go, 'oh God, Please Help Me Get Out Of This One.'

Americans Are Finally Coming To A Point Where They're Accepting Of Religious Criticism, Is Because George Bush Is The First President Who Really Put Religion So Front-and-center. He's The Most Christ-y President We've Ever Had - And He Is, Not Uncoincidentally, The Biggest Disaster We've Ever Had. I Think Even People Who Are Religious Don't Like It Shoved Down Their Throat. I Think People Kind Of Get It On A Certain Level, That This Is An Antiscience Administration, And We're Living In A Time Where We Can't Afford To Be Antiscience - For Environmental Reasons, For Educational Reasons.

If You Came Into The Theater Believing In The Talking Snake, It's Kind Of Hard To Leave The Theater Still Believing In The Talking Snake.

As A Loyal American And I Think A Patriotic American, No, I Don't Want Sarah Palin To Be President.

I Said Something Recently About How The President [barak Obama] Should Stop Trying To Placate The Crazies And The Right Wing And The Republicans And Stand Up For The 70 Percent Of Americans Who Are Not Insane And Stand Up For The People Who Actually Voted For You. That Hit A Real Nerve.

Treason Is When Legislators Vote Against Homeland Security Measures Because It Goes Against The Wishes Of Their Political Or Financial Backers. Treason Is The Fact That, As A Terrorist, You Could Still Buy A Gun In This Country Because The Nra Lobby Is So Strong.

I'm Not A Joiner. I Don't Like Organizations.

I Hear A Lot Of Talk Today About Xenophobia. Is It Really Phobia If You Have Something To Be Afraid Of?

Laughter Is Sort Of A Natural Truth Detector. If You Laugh At Something, It's Probably Because There Was Some Truth In It.

Whatever Good Religion Has Done, It Has Come At A Terrible Price.

Everybody Has A Magazine And A Channel. There Are 500 Channels And 500 Magazines, And We Wonder Why We're Not United As A Country.

The Worst Years Of My Life Were The First Two Years I Was Doing Standup. You're Learning How To Do, And You're Going On Stage In Front Of Two Drunks And People Aren't Laughing And You're Broke. That's A Really Hard Time In Your Life.