If God Wanted Us To Bend Over

Every Time I Get On An Airplane I Figure It's Gonna Get Blown Up. You Live On The Edge.

I’ve Had So Much Plastic Surgery, When I Die They Will Donate My Body To Tupperware.

The Glass Is Always Half Empty. All Good Comedians Are Manic-depressive.

Self-pity Shortens Your Life.

You Know You're Getting Old When Work Is A Lot Less Fun And Fun Is A Lot More Work.