I Went To The Airport, I Put

I'm Into Carpooling, Because Sometimes My Car Gets Hot And Needs To Refresh Itself.

I Don't Own A Cell Phone Or A Pager. I Just Hang Around Everyone I Know, All The Time. If Someone Wants To Get A Hold Of Me, They Just Say 'mitch,' And I Say 'what?' And Turn My Head Slightly.

I Bought A Seven-dollar Pen Because I Always Lose Pens And I Got Sick Of Not Caring.

I Used To Drink Wine. This Girl Asked Me, "doesn't Wine Give You A Headache?" "yeah, Eventually, But The First And The Middle Part Are Amazing!"

A Severed Foot Is The Ultimate Stocking Stuffer.