I Was So Ugly My Mother Used

When I Go To A Nude Beach, I Always Take A Ruler, Just In Case I Have To Prove Something.

I Tell Ya, I Was An Ugly Kid. I Was So Ugly That My Dad Kept The Kid's Picture That Came With The Wallet He Bought.

My Father Gave Me A Bat For Christmas. The First Time I Tried To Play With It, It Flew Away.

Last Week I Told My Psychiatrist, 'i Keep Thinking About Suicide', And He Told Me From Now I Have To Pay In Advance.

One Night I Came Home. I Figured, Let My Wife Come On. I'll Play It Cool. Let Her Make The First Move. She Went To Florida.