I Was Going To Buy My Girl

I Don't Deserve This Award, But I Have Arthritis And I Don't Deserve That Either.

Bill Paley Is Not Only The Greatest Boss I Ever Had, But He's The Most Brilliant, Honest And Warm Human Being I've Ever Met. And I'll Say That To His Face - Even If It Costs Me My Job.

A Rich Man Is One Who Isn't Afraid To Ask The Salesperson To Show Him Something Cheaper.

Gags Die, Humor Doesn't.

When Another Comedian Has A Lousy Show, I'm The First One To Admit It.