I Was Going To Buy My Girl

Give Me Golf Clubs, Fresh Air And A Beautiful Partner, And You Can Keep The Clubs And The Fresh Air.

I'm Happy To Be Making My First Appearance On Air Professionally. By That I Mean I'm Finally Getting Paid, Which I Know Will Be A Great Relief To My Creditors.

My Wife Mary And I Have Been Married For Forty-seven Years And Not Once Have We Had An Argument Serious Enough To Consider Divorce; Murder, Yes, But Divorce, Never.

The Doctors Couldn't Find Anything Wrong With Me Except That I Have A Slight Stomach Pain. Wait Till I Get My Hospital Bill! Then I'll Really Have A Pain The Stomach!

I'm An Old Newspaper-man Myself, But I Quit Because I Found There Was No Money In Old Newspapers.