I Used To Have Horrible Cars That

I'm Never Proper Or Careful, But I Never Curse In Front Of My Mother, Either.

Community College Is Like A Disco With Books: "here's Ten Dollars; Let Me Get My Learn On!"

See... Relationships Are Hard, Man. For Order, For Any Relationship To Work, Both People Have To Be On The Same Page, Both People Have To Have The Same Focus, And We All Know What That Page Is. We All Know What That Focus Is. In Order For The Relationship To Work Both People Have To Have The Same Focus, And What's That Focus? That Focus Is All About Her! It's All About Her!

You're Not Famous Unless People's Mothers Know Who You Are. Everybody Else, You Think You're Famous, But You're Just Hot, And Heat Cools Off.

There's Always A Moment In Any Stand-up Show I Do Where People Are Booing. They Kinda Boo A Premise. And Then I Bail Myself Out With A Joke. But It's Like Trying To Do Movies Where There's A Dramatic Undertone.