You Don't Need A Critic To Tell

Every Comedian Has A Moment In His Life When He Realizes He's A Little Bit Different From Everyone Else. It's Like Being The Only Guy In A Movie Who Sees The Ghost. The Ghost Talks To You And You Talk To Him. Then You Turn To Your Friend And Say, "hey. Do You See That Ghost? And He Says, What Ghost?"

My Kids Don't Have A Trust Fund, They Have A Debt Fund. Oh My God, They're $4 Million In The Hole.

I Want My Name To Be A Brand In Comedy. I Hope My Name Stands For Comedic Excellence.

You Know What Ged Stands For? Good Enough Diploma.

It's Hard For A Man To Turn Down Sex... If They Chase Us, We Can't Run That Fast.