Daddy Pays For The Water, Daddy Pays

I'm Pretty Good At Getting Over People Throwing Stuff At Me. If You've Been Doing Stand Up Long Enough You Know How To Swing Back And Get The Laughs.

Whatever Your Pleasure, I Can Facilitate. You Need Weed, You Need Meth - Hey, You Need Prozac, I'm Your Man. I Know How You White Boys Always Deal With That Depression. I Mean Me Personally, I Don't Understand What You White Boys Are All Depressed About. Hey, You're White! Smile!

Every Man Has To Settle Down Eventually. You Know Why You Gotta Settle Down Eventually? Because You Don't Want To Be The Old Guy In The Club. You Know What I'm Talking About. Every Club You Go Into, There's Always Some Old Guy. He Ain't Really Old, Just A Little Too Old To Be In The Club.

If You Can Keep Your Son Off The Pipe And Your Daughter Off The Pole, You're Ahead Of The Game.

You Could Be Married And Bored Or Single And Lonely. Ain't No Happiness Nowhere.