I Try To Figure My Adjusted Gross

As A Child, A Library Card Takes You To Exotic, Faraway Places. When You're Grown Up, A Credit Card Does It.

The Government Deficit Is The Difference Between The Amount Of Money The Government Spends And The Amount It Has The Nerve To Collect.

On Every Commercial Flight, The Traveler Is Told, "your Seat Cushion Can Be Used As A Flotation Device". The Question Is, Why Doesn't The Plane Just Become A Boat?

Nobody's Too Fat - They're Just Too Short.

Nothing Is As Frustrating As Arguing With Someone Who Knows What He's Talking About.