I Told My Psychiatrist That Everyone Hates

I Have Good Looking Kids. Thank Goodness My Wife Cheats On Me.

I Told My Doctor, "i've Swallowed A Bottle Of Sleeping Pills" And He Told Me To Have A Few Drinks And Get Some Rest.

I Know I'm Not Sexy. In High School I Was Voted Most Likely To Masturbate.

I've Been Writing Jokes Since I'm Fifteen. Not Out Of Happiness, But To Go To A Different Place, Because Reality Wasn't Good To Me.

My Uncle's Dying Wish - He Wanted Me On His Lap. He Was In The Electric Chair.