I Think Comedy Is On An Organic

I Am Stressed Because Once I Am Flattened Out So Thin To Be Able To Slide Under A Doorway, I May Never Be Able To Ever Be Unflattened So I Could Be Regular Sized Again.

I Love Watching People Get Hit In The Crotch. But Only If They Get Back Up. If Their Teeth Are Bleeding, If They're Really Hurt, If An Ambulance Has To Come, I'm Not Laughing.

My Father Once Told Me, And It's Stuck With Me To This Day: As You Walk Through Life, Every Time You Fart It Pushes You Forward.

My Dad Told Me If I Was Ever Intimidated By Anyone, Just Picture Them With Their Clothes Off. He Said That's How He Dealt With My Mom.

I'm Completely Changing My Diet. My Nutritionist Recommends I Must Now Stop Eating Food I Have Already Eliminated.