A Lot Of People Ask Me What

I Just Had A Pedicure. My Feet Are Soft Like A Baby's Behind. If His Ass Was Covered In Calluses.

The Comedy Store - All Three Rooms Were Filled With 800 People In The Room. And During That Time, All These Guys And Some Women, But Mostly Guys Who Weren't Funny Were Doing Stand Up For A Living; They Weren't Accountants, They Were Making $30-$50 Grand A Year On The Road, Or More.

My Favorite Procrastination Is To Make The Choice To Have Valuable Times With Human Beings That I Care About Instead Of Holing Myself Up Alone To Get My Work Done.

The Squirrel In My Yard Really Knows His Way Around The Neighborhood.

Kindness Isn't Just A Virtue, Its A Necessity.