I Talk To Friends Who Get Their

When You're A Comic, It's Like Being Born Gay. It's What You Want To Do Every Night When Your Other Friends Are Out At Night Going To Parties.

She, Uh, Came Out Of The Closet Recently, My Niece. Um... She Announced To The Family That She's A Lesbian And... She's Seven, Did I Mention That? And, Uh, I Don't Even Know If She Knows What A Lesbian Is, But I Support Her Completely. And, Uh... I'll Tell You What's Heartbreaking. My Sister Punished Her For It. Can You Believe That? No Pussy For A Week. Which To Us May Not Sound Like... But When You're Seven, You Know, A Week Is A Long Time.

When I Was Three, My Dad Thought It Would Be Hilarious To Teach Me Swear Words, Then Have Me Say Them To His Friends. They Would Laugh And Laugh. I Realize Now The Laugh Was Pure Shock Value, But It Felt Really Good, And I've Been Chasing It Ever Since.

I’ve Always Had Dreams. When I Was Little, I’d Go To Sleep With My Head On My Hands, Which Were In Fists Like I Was Looking Through A Camera. I Felt Like Sleep Was The Movies - Just Drifting Off To The Movies.

When I Came Out To L. A., I Got A Part In An Episode Of 'star Trek: Voyager,' And I Hired An Acting Coach.