I Spent A Year In That Town,

I Don't Believe In Dying. It's Been Done. I'm Working On A New Exit. Besides, I Can't Die Now - I'm Booked.

With The Collapse Of Vaudeville New Talent Has No Place To Stink.

I've Been A Straight Man For So Many Years That From Force Of Habit I Repeat Everything. I Went Out Fishing With A Fellow The Other Day And He Fell Overboard. He Yelled, Help! Help! Help! So I Said, Help? Help? Help? And While I Was Waiting For Him To Get His Laugh, He Drowned.

I Must Be Getting Absent-minded. Whenever I Complain That Things Aren't What They Used To Be, I Always Forget To Include Myself.

The Happiest People I Know Are The Ones That Are Still Working. The Saddest Are The Ones Who Are Retired. Very Few Performers Retire On Their Own. It's Usually Because No One Wants Them. Six Years Ago Sinatra Announced His Retirement. He's Still Working.