I Never Went Out Looking For Glory.

Frank Sinatra Enjoyed My Humor, So I Could Say Almost Anything To Him. I Mean, Within Reason.

When You Talk About George Burns You're Talking About A Living Legend . . . Well, A Legend, Anyhow.

I Was Sitting In The Toilet And I Was By Myself. I Was Tired Of Playing With The Roller, So I Said I'd Better Write A Book.

It's Very Sweet To Have People Say Nice Things About You, And I Always Accept That.

What I Do Is, I Make Fun Of People And I Make Fun Of Myself And Things Around Us And Exaggerate Things. And I'm Never Mean-spirited. See, The Word Insult Means Some Guy Who's A Real Unkind Human Being. But I Don't Do That, Because Otherwise I Wouldn't Be Headlining All These Years, Thank God, And All These People Showing Up To See Me.