I Don't Really Tell A Joke Per

Eddie Fisher Married To Elizabeth Taylor Is Like Me Trying To Wash The Empire State Building With A Bar Of Soap.

Al Capone's My Uncle. The Old Days Were A Lot Different. The Latin Casino Was The Big Time. When I Got There I Figured That I Was Doing Pretty Good, Because Remember, I Started In Nothing But After Hours Joints. I Can't Even Name Them Now, But That's How I Got Noticed.

When You Enter A Room, You Have To Kiss His Ring. I Don't Mind, But He Has It In His Back Pocket.

They Always Use The Word 'insult' With Me, But I Don't Hurt Anybody. I Wouldn't Be Sitting Here If I Did. I Make Fun Of Everybody And Exaggerate All Our Insecurities.

I Always Enjoy Being Full Of Fun, But I Have My Serious Moments. Some Women Go For The Studious Kind Of Guy, I Certainly Was Not That. If A Girl Is Looking For Somebody Different And Maybe A Little More Exciting For Themselves - Someone More On The Fun Side, I Would Suggest That They Look For A Type Like Don Rickles.