I’m Never Without A Bandage.

Life Is Very Tough. If You Don't Laugh, It's Tough.

Anyone That Says Looks Don't Count Is Lying. Of Course They Do. Even Babies Go To The Attractive Face. It's The Way Humans Work.

My Routines Come Out Of Total Unhappiness. My Audiences Are My Group Therapy.

Last Night I Asked My Husband, 'what's Your Favorite Sexual Position?' And He Said, 'next Door.'

I Caused My Husband's Heart Attack. In The Middle Of Lovemaking I Took The Paper Bag Off My Head. He Dropped The Polaroid And Keeled Over And So Did The Hooker. It Would Have Taken Me Half An Hour To Untie Myself And Call The Paramedics, But Fortunately The Great Dane Could Dial.