Forty For You, Sixty For Me. And

The Glass Is Always Half Empty. All Good Comedians Are Manic-depressive.

I Have No Boobs Whatsoever. On My Wedding Night My Husband Said, 'let Me Help You With Those Buttons' And I Told Him, 'i'm Completely Naked'.

I Think Actual Death Will Be A Lot Easier Than Dying On Stage. Cause - You Know - If You Do [actual Death] Right, You Can Go Looking Good. Maybe With A Little Quip [like]: 'i Loved Everybody.' But Dying On Stage...oh, God!

That Baby Is So Ugly... I've Never Seen A Six-month-old So Desperately In Need Of A Wax.

My Mother Could Make Anybody Feel Guilty - She Used To Get Letters Of Apology From People She Didn't Even Know.